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Monday, July 7, 2008

Lost in Time, Lost in Space...and Meaning....

It's been a few days since I've written anything; not because I didn't have anything to say, but rather I haven't had the time or energy.

I've shared my successes with you, so I thought it only fitting that I share my failures as well. Last Friday, I was a bit depressed and on the spur of the moment decided to do a love spell hoping to attract a companion so that I don't have to go through this alone. I already had all the materials as it was something that I had been planning on doing anyway before I left Walmart. I fixed up the candle and left it burning. The flame was weak but it kept burning, however when I got home it had been extinguished. I dug some of the wax from around the wick and relit the candle only for it to burn a few hours before extinguishing again. So I abandoned the effort.

I've worked the last 7 days in a row and I have two more to go before I have Wednesday off. I have to go wash clothes on Wednesday and am performing a laying on of hands healing ritual for a friend in Coupeville who is battling cancer and who has already lost one kidney to this terrible affliction. I'm fixin' up a HEAL ALL vigil candle for him to burn at home as well as a Mojo Bag that he can carry with him in the coming days and weeks. I will be sharing this information with you, my readers, in the coming days as well as sharing my personal ritual for laying on of hands.

As far as my job is going, I've had a few times in which I thought about just walking out and leaving but it hasn't actually come to that yet. On the whole, I'm told that I'm doing really well and that the rest will come in time. I still haven't gotten the hang of changing the paper in the photo machine, which is understandable because you are not allowed to see what you are doing. The only thing I can compare it to is changing a tire for the first time while wearing a blindfold.

Most of my doubts and anxieties have centered on my ability to keep my home. This job does not pay me enough to live here. As much as I don't want to, I am going to have to seek government assistance (food stamps, rental assistance, etc). I'm still trying to find a second job but nothing has turned up yet. If it comes to me having to turn off my internet, I will let you know beforehand.

Today while cooking I re-affirmed my faith. Speaking to the Creator, I affirmed that I asked for a job that would best utilize my skills and experiences while also paying me enough money to maintain my present lifestyle. After several interviews, I got a job. Since this is the job that came along, I have to have faith that everything is going to work out and that this is where I am supposed to be.

Not too long afterward, while watching an old episode of Tales from the Darkside, a character was reading Psalm 23. Then, I started watching a movie on Lifetime in which a mother's son was killed in a car accident. At the funeral, the Pastor was reading Psalm 23.

I don't know if it means anything, but it means something to me.

Carolina Dean

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