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Sunday, August 2, 2009

MLAAW: The Mother of All Guilt

In the mid to late 90’s I had established myself as a friendly, accurate reader in my hometown. Most of my clients came from word of mouth, but occasionally they just found their way into my home for other reasons.

At the time of this story I had taken in a roommate who I’ll call JP. JP and I had very little in common, he was much younger than me, he smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and used marijuana. Even though he identified as straight, the only thing we had in common was our sexual compatibility (which was just enough reason for me to let him stay with me despite his use of recreational drugs.)

One night after work, he left the house to go drinking at Hambones (a local bar) while I chose to stay home with a good book and to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I went to bed by 10 pm and awoke to voices in my house around 3 am. I went into my living room to discover that JP had brought some people home with him after the bar closed.

It wasn’t long before the conversation came around to my side-business and before you knew it I was taking the individuals into my kitchen one at a time for a reading. I was doing really well under the circumstances, the people seemed happy with their readings and I was beginning to feel more comfortable with this house full of strangers.

Finally, an older woman with big, bleached-blonde hair came into the room. She seemed hesitant to participate in the reading, but I had been doing so well I encouraged her along. I had her shuffle and cut the cards and I began to read them. Even though I felt that I had given her a good reading too, she indicated that I had not touched up on her question. So I had her shuffle and cut again. This time I fell on my face.

The woman seemed to get a bit upset and so I had her shuffle and cut one more time. This time she admitted that I touched on some issues in her life, but not the one about which she wanted to know. Finally, I asked her if she would just tell me her question and allow me to see what information would come through the cards. Though she was hesitant at first, she finally admitted that years before her husband at the time had molested their daughter several times over the course of many years.

At the time of the molestation, she didn’t see any signs or any indication as to what was going on and as a result she felt that she had failed her daughter. Since that time, her daughter had grown up and dealt with the molestation, however the mother had continued to carry the guilt with her.

The woman broke down in tears and it was at this moment I put the cards away and took the woman’s hands in mine. I looked her directly in the eye and told her that it wasn’t her fault and that there wasn’t anything that she could do. I sat and listened to her and allowed her to get it all off her chest.

Not long after this, every left for the respective homes. It being a small town, it wasn’t hard for me to find out where the woman lived and so the next day I went to her home to follow up on how she was doing. She thanked me for coming by and I could tell that she still hadn’t let go of her guilt. So I spoke with her about getting professional help and after a time she agreed.

I got on the phone and got her an appointment with our local mental health agency. I checked in with her every day leading up to the appointment and on the day of her scheduled appointment I drove her. The woman’s counselor was able to get her into a support group where she began her journey to healing and a greater wholeness.

When this woman followed her group of friends to a stranger’s house, she had no idea how it would change her life and I learned an important lesson as well. Often as psychics, healers, and spiritual workers people come into our lives seeking help (whether they know it or not) in some form. We can read for them, burn candles, and/or prescribe baths, etc; but sometimes the best thing we can do for them is make sure they get the kind of help that we cannot offer.

Carolina Dean

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