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Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Law of Attraction and Me

"Change {your} mind and change the world!"
-------theme from Wonder Woman

For the past month I have been sick with a head cold and sinus infection that I could just not get rid of. It was during this time that I came into another copy of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne as my original copy had been loaned to a friend who never returned it. I began using the book as a devotional, reading parts of it at random whenever I could focus my mind. 

Every time I thought my cold had passed it came back overnight! Reading over my tweets and my facebook page I noticed how much I had been complaining about being sick and hating being sick. It dawned on me that by focusing on being sick I was preventing myself from healing. Not only did my cold get more and more severe, but my tinnitus became worse to the point that I felt it was driving me crazy. Only after I began thinking thoughts of 'perfect health' did my cold begin to go away until it completely disappeared. 

As I continued to read The Secret, a book which espouses the idea that what you dwell on inwardly you manifest outwardly, I began to examine my life and how my thoughts have shaped my life. One of the major themes I have struggled with in my life is that of Love and Trust. One of my earliest relationships was with a very attractive, charming man who ultimately stole from me and almost destroyed my life. That relationship set the tone for all the ones that would come after. I always found myself unable to trust anyone who expressed an interest in me romantically. I thought that men were not interested in me for me, but for what I have.

As I grew older my thoughts began to change. My thoughts began to center on the idea that I was too unattractive to be loved...that I did not deserve love.  I always think that I'm overweight, I don't have a nice smile, I wear glasses, etc... and because of this no man will find me attractive. Even worse, I began to think that I wouldn't want to be with any man that found me attractive because he'd probably be ugly himself or that there would be something otherwise wrong with him. 

That's exactly what I have manifested and no amount of magick is going to change that until I change my thoughts. I've engaged in unhealthy relationships (anonymous sexual encounters, pursued unavailable men) and even when certain men expressed an interest in taking the relationship further I pushed them away. out of fear and mistrust. 

So it is now clear to me that until I change my thoughts I cannot change my life.

Carolina Dean 

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