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Friday, December 3, 2010

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you and Mrs. Claus? I hope you're keeping warm up at the North Pole. My name is Dean and I am 37 years old. I have been good all year. I have eaten all my vegetables (even the broccoli), and said my prayers every night. I have kept my room clean and not gotten into any trouble. 

I have observed all the Esbats and Sabbats. I have helped my fellow man whenever I was able in whatever way I was able. I have donated to the poor despite falling on hard times myself,  I have contributed to the well-being of others, and even helped an old lady cross the street! In addition I have not violated the Wiccan Rede and I have only broken one commandment. I'm sure you know which one, but she had it coming and if you review the situation I am sure that you will agree with me. 

This year I would like the following things. 
  • A new Husband, although I'd take a used one as long as he isn't too damaged. 
  • A cell-phone upgrade
  • A new car
  • Cherylindrea's Wand 
  • The Mountain Dream Tarot Deck  
  • A Copy of Eve's Bayou (Region 1) 
  • A fully-functional omegahedron
  • Some Runts
  • A Skeleton Key  
  • A Charmed Book of Shadows replica 
  • A pony 
  • An Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle.
  • An Ever-Lasting Gobstopper 
  • Papa Justify's receipt book 
  • An autographed picture of Tom Welling (preferably shirtless)
  • Two Tickets to Paradise
  • A Maltese Falcon
  • A Rambaldi Device
  • Pandora's Box 
  • Some Unobtainium
  • Aunt Morgana's "recipe" book
  • An All-Spark 
  • A Continuum Transfunctioner
  • A Rabbit's Foot 
  • A Genesis Device
  • A Copy of Voodoo Without Sacrificing Chickens
  • An Audio-Vibratory Physio-molecular Transport Device 
  • A Matter-Wand 
  • A Magic Carpet 
  • The One Ring 
  • A Horcrux
  • A Cloak Of Invisibility 
  • A Hex Bag 
  • A Resurrection Stone 
  • A Horn of Plenty 
  • An Orb of Thesulah
  • A Tedarka Talisman
  • A Flux Capacitor 

I will be leaving out some milk and sugar cookies as usual. Please clean up after yourself when you are done by placing the dirty dishes in the dishwasher; and please bring your own plastic bags for Rudolph's 'leavings'. Also I would like to remind you to please do not come into my bedroom to check on me if you hear screaming and moaning. We don't want a repeat of what happened last year. That guy still want return my phone calls or emails.

Merry Christmas, 



    Brother Christopher said...

    "I have been good all year"

    HA LIES!!!

    Carolina Dean said...

    SHUT UP! Don't ruin this for me.

    AmethJera said...

    ...And to think I only asked for a box of condoms, a bottle of strawberry-flavored oil and Rick Springfield...!

    Carolina Dean said...

    Dream BIG!

    Chiron Armand said...

    *my biggest smile today*

    Carolina Dean said...

    ...long story short, I got my Mountain Dream Tarot.....bitch!