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Friday, December 3, 2010

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you and Mrs. Claus? I hope you're keeping warm up at the North Pole. My name is Dean and I am 37 years old. I have been good all year. I have eaten all my vegetables (even the broccoli), and said my prayers every night. I have kept my room clean and not gotten into any trouble. 

I have observed all the Esbats and Sabbats. I have helped my fellow man whenever I was able in whatever way I was able. I have donated to the poor despite falling on hard times myself,  I have contributed to the well-being of others, and even helped an old lady cross the street! In addition I have not violated the Wiccan Rede and I have only broken one commandment. I'm sure you know which one, but she had it coming and if you review the situation I am sure that you will agree with me. 

This year I would like the following things. 
  • A new Husband, although I'd take a used one as long as he isn't too damaged. 
  • A cell-phone upgrade
  • A new car
  • Cherylindrea's Wand 
  • The Mountain Dream Tarot Deck  
  • A Copy of Eve's Bayou (Region 1) 
  • A fully-functional omegahedron
  • Some Runts
  • A Skeleton Key  
  • A Charmed Book of Shadows replica 
  • A pony 
  • An Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle.
  • An Ever-Lasting Gobstopper 
  • Papa Justify's receipt book 
  • An autographed picture of Tom Welling (preferably shirtless)
  • Two Tickets to Paradise
  • A Maltese Falcon
  • A Rambaldi Device
  • Pandora's Box 
  • Some Unobtainium
  • Aunt Morgana's "recipe" book
  • An All-Spark 
  • A Continuum Transfunctioner
  • A Rabbit's Foot 
  • A Genesis Device
  • A Copy of Voodoo Without Sacrificing Chickens
  • An Audio-Vibratory Physio-molecular Transport Device 
  • A Matter-Wand 
  • A Magic Carpet 
  • The One Ring 
  • A Horcrux
  • A Cloak Of Invisibility 
  • A Hex Bag 
  • A Resurrection Stone 
  • A Horn of Plenty 
  • An Orb of Thesulah
  • A Tedarka Talisman
  • A Flux Capacitor 

I will be leaving out some milk and sugar cookies as usual. Please clean up after yourself when you are done by placing the dirty dishes in the dishwasher; and please bring your own plastic bags for Rudolph's 'leavings'. Also I would like to remind you to please do not come into my bedroom to check on me if you hear screaming and moaning. We don't want a repeat of what happened last year. That guy still want return my phone calls or emails.

Merry Christmas, 

Dean 
XOXO



    6 comments:

    Brother Christopher said...

    "I have been good all year"

    HA LIES!!!

    Carolina Dean said...

    SHUT UP! Don't ruin this for me.

    AmethJera said...

    ...And to think I only asked for a box of condoms, a bottle of strawberry-flavored oil and Rick Springfield...!

    Carolina Dean said...

    Dream BIG!

    Chiron Armand said...

    *my biggest smile today*

    Carolina Dean said...

    ...long story short, I got my Mountain Dream Tarot.....bitch!