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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Bewitching Spells


An Analysis of Bewitched© Incantations


It has been said that magick is all about defining what you want and then letting it happen. In my personal practices, I often define my goals with the incantation, or spoken element, of my spells. In fact, my spells often begin with a written incantation around which I design my spell.

Over the years I have developed a formula for the construction of my incantations. They usually consist of four lines in the AABB rhyme scheme, although sometimes they will fall into the ABAB scheme. The first two lines usually describe the situation or problem while the second two lines state what is needed or wanted to address the problem. In addition, each line will contain the same number of syllables, or within one or two syllables of being the same number. For example,

A Spell to Remove Obstacles

This obstacle before me,
simply can no longer be;
I crush it now with magick force,
that I may resume my course!

However, I didn’t always have my magic down to a science. My first exposure to the (fictional) world of magic and witchcraft was probably Bewitched©, an American sitcom which ran on the ABC network from 1964 to 1972. The premise of Bewitched is centered on a witch named Samantha who marries Darrin, a mortal, and who attempts to live the life of a normal, suburban housewife.

Samantha’s mother, Endora, served as the main antagonist of the show. She disapproved of her daughter’s “mixed-marriage” and unsuccessfully attempted to drive Darrin away each week. A typical show has Endora, or some other relative, cast a spell on Darrin ensuing chaos and upsetting his life and the lives  of their nosey-neighbor, Darrin’s boss, his parents, and his various clients. By the end of the show, Samantha is able to convince Endora to reverse the offending spell as well as to use her own wits and magic to make it work to her advantage.

Many of the spells in the earlier season seem to be simply made up such as the spell Samantha unsuccessfully used to send her mother away in the first episode:

One re or re ickery Anne
Phillison, follison Nicholas John
queevy qavey, English navy
Sticklum, Stacklum Buck
B-U-C-K spells “Buck” and out goes you!

Some spells appear to be a form of Latin as in this spell Samantha used to freeze people,

“Lindor, ramamanthas, insectus”

In other cases the spells are quite clever and sophisticated as in the following spell Endora cast upon Darren to make him indecisive.

Indecision will now be your state,
in matters small and matters great;
a plague of “ifs” and “ands” and “buts,”
will descend to drive you nuts!

As you can see, there seems to be no real rhyme or reason to the construction of the spells used during the course of the show. However, a closer look at some of these incantations may help us to understand the logic behind them.

For example, the first spell quoted above

One re or re ickery Anne
Phillison, follison Nicholas John
queevy qavey, English navy
Sticklum, Stacklum Buck
B-U-C-K spells “Buck” and out goes you!

This old rhymes dates back to at least the late 1800’s and is one of many variants of a “counting off” game used by children to determine who is “it” or “out” (think eenie meenie miney mo). However, evidence suggests that the rhyme has its origins in very old magic spells. Here Samantha intended to use it to send Endora away, so in effect she was counting her mother “out”! Perhaps this spell may be appropriate the next time you cast a banishing spell?

In other cases, the witches call upon magical lore to empower their spells. Take this spell to give a mortal three wishes, for example:

Stars of lightning, sons of fire.
Harken to the hearts desire.
Set your potent power free,
And give this mortal wishes three!

Here we can make a connection between this spell and the age-old belief of wishing on stars. Typically a person wishes upon either a falling star, or the first star which can be seen in the night sky saying:

Star light, star bright,
first star I see tonight;
I wish I may, I wish I might,
have my wish come true tonight!

In addition, the phrase 'sons of fire' may be a reference to Jinns (genies) who legend states were born of fire and who have been know to grant wishes to human in certain circumstances. 

In some instances, the witches will invoke the spirit of inanimate objects directing them to produce some change or effect. Consider this spell cast by Aunt Clara to repair a faulty lamp.

Hark ye witches who live in lamps,
power of watts and oomphs and amps;
Wizards of AC/DC transmissions,
send to me an electrician!

or this one to summon a painter

Colors harsh and colors mellow,
Kumquat orange and lemon yellow,
Turpentine and brush of sable,
Send to me a painter able!

It may seem silly to us to call upon a lamp or a paint brush to power a spell. However, Aunt Clara was simply acting in accordance with the belief in animism, which is the belief that all non-human entities have a soul. The concept of animism was formed during the Prehistoric Age, when humans believed that everything was inhabited or controlled by a spirit. For example, there was a spirit which controlled fire, or thunder, spirits inhabiting lakes, streams, trees, rocks, etc... As you can see, it is no sillier than you or I calling upon the power inherent in an herb, or a stone to drive our spells.

It should also be noted that in the Bewitched universe witches are seemingly immortal and age at a much slower rate than humans. Overtime their powers dwindle and when that occurs, the will often turn themselves into something useful such as a lamp or a doorknob. Therefore, it was entirely possible that the lamp was once a witch or warlock.

In earlier seasons many of the spells appear to be nonsensical words intended to sound like Latin such as this spell used by Samantha to summon her mother.

Quadramus invecta expedia!

In some cases the spells consist of made-up words used in conjunction with everyday words that rhyme. A spell to manifest a feast, for example.

Webus, willibus, tootles, flick!
Eat all this and you'll be sick!

In other cases everyday words which rhyme are used, but make no sense for the purpose of the spell. Consider this spell to make Darrin agreeable.

Bees knees and bells nell,
Harken to my tricky spell.
To prove your brain's the size of a pea,
With all you hear you will agree!

In later seasons, many of the spells cast became less vague and more sophisticated. Such as this spell to make Darrin more ambitious,

A mogul, a magnate
a ruthless big deal.
Ambition and power,
is now what you feel!

or this one to turn a monkey into a human.

A monkey you are,
a monkey you'll be,
In human form
when I count to three…
1 - 2 – 3!

The witch’s ability to move across time and space was a theme often touched upon over the course of the series with characters going back in time or historical figures coming to the present. In the case of the later it was often the result of a spell gone awry. In these cases, the language of the spell often mirrors the language of the time or place in question.

For example when Aunt Clara cast a spell to send herself to the Victorian Age she accidentally brings Queen Victoria to the present. After a bit of trial and error she cast the following spell to send the Queen back.

Eye of newt,
leg of spider
Queen Victoria, tally-ho
I cast my spell and off you go!

The phrase tally-ho is distinctly British and is used in fox-hunting to denote when a rider has spotted the fox. The spell succeeds in sending back the Queen of the British Empire but also results in bringing forth Prince Albert, to which Aunt Clara replies “maybe I didn’t put enough English into it?” Curiously the episode ends without resolving the issue.

In another episode, Endora casts a spell to make Darrin speak fluent Italian incorporating Italian into her spell.

Uno, due, tre,
I wish he might, I wish he may,
Speak like an Italian,
At the break of day!

In another episode Uncle Arthur attempts to produce a dessert known as a Napoleon with the following spell,

Bon soir mes et me,
And viva la France!
A scrumptious Napoleon
Now gets a chance – a chance!

The spell backfires bringing the historical Napoleon to the present.

However, even this rule isn’t hard and fast. In one episode a witch sends Samantha back in time one-hundred years, saying

Blow ye winds and thunder crack,
roll the years a century back.
Vixen be gone and make the switch,
be gone with the wind you little witch!

This results in Samantha appearing in New Orleans just after the Civil War (circa 1865) which is also roughly the same time-period in which Gone With the Wind is set (see the last line of the spell above).


The witches of Bewitched make casting spells seems easy, however, un-doing them is another matter entirely. It is easy to understand how an aging witch such as Aunt Clara, whose powers are waning in her twilight years and who often has difficulty remembering her spells, has a hard time reversing her spells when they go awry. However, it isn’t always easy for powerful witches in their prime to reverse a spell that has turned sour. In the Bewitched universe there are a few rules concerning the reversing of spells. They are:

A spell can only be reversed by the witch or the warlock who cast it. In an early episode, Samantha explains to Darren that a witch who cast a spell on a person has the witch’s equivalent of squatter’s rights and only he or she can reverse it. As is the case with other instances, there are a few episodes where this rule does not apply. For example, in the season eight episode How Not to Lose Your Head to King Henry the VIII, Part One Samantha is inexplicably able to zap a nobleman out of a painting in which he was cursed to remain for one thousand years. Similarly, when Samantha is crowned Queen of the Witches, she is able to undo the spells cast by her predecessor.

Another exception to this rule appears in the season two episode Nobody But A Frog Knows How to Live, in which a frog who has been turned into a man petitions Samantha to turn him back into a frog. She explains that only the witch who turned him into a man can change him back into a frog. However, once Samantha learns that the frog asked the witch to turn him into a man, Samantha is able to restore his original form because it was a product of his wish.

A spell can not be reversed if you do not know or cannot remember the words used to cast the spell in the first place. Examples of this rule occur several times throughout the course of the series. For example, in the season four episode Samantha’s Secret Saucer, Aunt Clara cast the following spell to retrieve a toy flying-saucer that has flown out the window.

Flying saucer in darkest night,
hark ye land within my sight.

The spell results in Aunt Clara summoning a real flying-saucer from another galaxy into the Stephens’ backyard. After several attempts at reversing her spell, Aunt Clara is able to do so upon remembering that she rhymed the words ‘night’ and ‘sight’.  Her successful spell is as follows:

Flying saucer from out the night,
return ye now and leave my sight!

In addition, when Uncle Arthur accidentally summons Napoleon when attempting to conjure a dessert he makes several attempts to reverse his spell. After a few unsuccessful attempts, he speculates that he is using the wrong hand gestures and reverses the gestures he used when originally casting his spell.

A spell cannot be reversed if the subject of the spell does not wish the spell to be reversed. In the season eight episode Samantha’s Caesar Salad, Esmeralda accidentally conjures up Julius Caesar when she attempts to manifest a Caesar salad. Caesar, angry that history has labeled him a tyrant, refuses to return to his own time until he can remove the stain on his reputation. Ultimately, Samantha is able to convince Caesar to return to his own time by tempting him with Cleopatra. 

Debuting in the late 1960’s, Bewitched was one of the earliest supernatural sitcoms and continues to be seen the world over enchanting new generations of believers with each passing year. A product of its time, Bewitched may seem less sophisticated than later series such as Charmed or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However the magic of television will ensure that Bewitched will always be more than “quicksilver… a fleeting shadow”. 

Carolina Dean

Sources

Spellbound at Harpies Bizarre

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Review: The Voodoo Doll Spell Book

by Denise Alvarado 



  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: CreateSpace (October 24, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1453726462
  • ISBN-13: 978-1453726464

    Disclaimer- I wouldn't feel right publishing this review without disclosing that I contributed one spell to this work, which the author found in my blog and thought would make an excellent contribution to this book.

    The Voodoo Doll Spellbook is the direct follow up to Denise Alvarado’s Voodoo Dolls in Magick and Ritual and promises to be the first in several volumes. Whereas the former delved into the history and types of dolls, the latter contains over 180 spells and rituals from various magickal disciplines including Hoodoo, Voodoo, Wicca, Paganism, and Ceremonial Magic.

    Though these spells come from various traditions, they all have one thing in common, that is, the construction and use of dolls used in the casting of spells. The author gives detailed instructions on how to construct various types of dolls (poppets, effigies, waxen images, etc…) as well as how to use them to achieve various goals. The spells themselves are organized by purpose in an A to Z format for easy reference.

    In addition to the spells, Alvarado has gone a step further and included various formulas for oils, and powders such as Lost and Away Powder and Bend Over Oil among others which some practitioners may be familiar with and which are utilized in the casting of spells. The inclusion of these formulas alone is well worth the price of the book. Throughout the Voodoo Doll Spellbook there are several photographs and illustrations of various voodoo dolls in the author’s collection which add to the mystique of this powerful tool of magick!

    Although the author has included some basic information on the theory behind how magic works, I suggest you refer to Alvardo’s previous work Voodoo Dolls in Magick and Ritual if you wish to delve into the history of voodoo dolls. The Voodoo Doll Spellbook is a practical, hands-on grimoire on the art of casting spells using various types of dolls. Here you will find everything you need to construct a doll in order to cast a spell for virtually any practical goal. This is a reference that you will return to again and again. 

    Carolina Dean 

    Links:

    Planet Voodoo Conjure Corner

    Purchase the Book







    Monday, December 20, 2010

    Chakra Cleanse

    A Human-Figure Candle
    7 Chakra-Colored Candles
    Blessing Oil
    Winter Solstice is right around the corner and as per my personal practice I always cleanse myself and my environment at the changing of the seasons. Part of cleansing myself, includes cleanisng my chakras.

    To review, the Chakras are the seven energy vortexes of the human body which are located along the spinal column through which Kundalini, or life-energy, rises. They are:
    1. Crown Chakra
    2. Forehead Chakra
    3. Throat Chakra
    4. Heart Chakra
    5. Solar Plexus Chakra
    6. Sacral Chakra
    7. Root Chakra
    Directions: Load the Human-Figure Candle with your concerns, anoint it with Blessing Oil. Surround the human-figure candle with the 7 chakra-colored candles and light them. Chant:

    White, purple, blue and green,
    yellow, orange, and red –unclean;
    I call on you to cleanse your hues,
    and shine with a strength renewed!

    Meditate before the candle-arrangement, visualizing the chakras one at a time shining brightly, until the chakra candles burns out completely. 

    Carolina Dean 

    Sunday, December 19, 2010

    Bill-Bu$ter Spells

    To begin, I’d like to extend a very politically correct “Happy Holidays” to all my readers. Whether you are Christian, Jewish, Wiccan, Muslim, Buddhist, or Other–I wish you all the best this holiday season.

    This is the time of year when many people will be celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice (Yule), Kwanzaa etc. While these holidays are observed by different religions they each center around a theme of blessings, miracles, birth, and renewal and are often celebrated with the exchanging of gifts. Many people will go into debt to buy presents for their family, friends, loved ones, and in some cases, people that they cannot stand.

    Still, as the economy slumps along, many people are struggling to find a job, keep the job they have, put food on the table, stay warm, and generally provide themselves with the basic necessities in life. Sadly, for many this holiday will not be as Merry as in past years. Today, I’d like to share a spell that will assist you in drawing in prosperity and allow you to pay your bills. To perform this spell you will need:

    * Green Vigil Light
    * Copies of All Your Bills
    * A Permanent Marker
    * Dried Mint
    * Cinnamon Chips
    * Dried Chamomile
    * 4 small chunks of pyrite
    * Wealthy Way Oil
    * Bible

    Gather together the above equipment and materials. In addition to the items listed above you may want to have a long nail or Philip’s head screw driver, an eye dropper, a small saucer and a mortar and pestle. Begin by wiping down the vigil light with a little bit of ammonia to cleanse it of any previous energy. When it is dry glue the above Bill-Bu$ter Vigil Candle Label (above) to the front of the candle.

    Combine some of the dried mint, cinnamon chips, and chamomile in the mortar. Add nine drop of Wealthy Way Oil and grind the mixture up with the pestle. As you grind the herbs together talk to them and tell them what it is that you wish them to do. When you are done, set the herbs aside for now. Using a nail, or Phillip’s head screw-driver, bore four holes in the vigil light at equidistant points around the wick. Carefully fill the holes in the Vigil Light with your herbal mixture. Place three drops of Wealthy Way Oil in each of the hour holes and finally plug each hole with a small piece of pyrite chunk. Set the candle aside for now.

    Using the permanent marker, write PAID IN FULL over all of your bills in big bold letters. Lay the stack of bills on your ritual space and place the saucer on top of them upside down. Place your Bill-Bu$ter Vigil Light on top of the over-turned saucer. Place your hands a few inches over the vigil-candle light and and visualizing your desire, pray for prosperity.

    Your prayer may be extemporaneous or you may wish to pray from the scripture. Some of my favorite bible-verses for prosperity work include:

    • Psalm 23 (The Lord is my shepard…)
    • Psalm 35:27 (The Lord has pleasure in the prosperity of his servant)
    • Psalm 37: 3-11 (Delight in the Lord and he shall give thee the desire in your heart)
    • Psalm 84:11 (The Lord will give grace and glory, and no good thing will be withheld)
    • Psalm 85:12 (The Lord will give that which is good and the land shall yield her increase)
    • Psalm 118:25 (Save me now, O Lord, send me prosperity!)
    • 1 Chronicles 4:9-10 (The Prayer of Jabez)

    When you are done, place your left hand over the top of the candle and pick it up with your right hand. Gently tap the candle on the altar three times and then return it to the over-turned saucer. Light the candle and let it go to work for you. The following day, and each day thereafter as the candle burns, return to your altar and repeat your prayer with sincerity and faith.

    When the candle burns out, inspect it for signs of your work. Finally, burn the copies of your bills and scatter the ashes at a place where two roads meet (the crossroads).

    Carolina Dean

    Sunday, December 5, 2010

    A Ritual To Bless Your Tarot Cards

    Making a habit of cleansing one’s tools and materials is a very important practice to maintain. You may think that you are safe with a new deck of tarot cards, however the materials use to make them probably have been handled, the machines used to manufacture them are maintained by people whose energy can be transferred to the cards through the manufacturing process, and the final product is probably handled by at least one person for quality control.

    If you purchased your deck from an online store, you don’t know the environment they have been stored it, how they have been handled, or how many people have handled them. If you purchased your deck from a brick-and-mortar store you then have to take into account all the employees who may have handled the deck but also the number of customers who picked up the box and considered buying the deck before you came along and purchased it.

    Objects can, and often do, absorb energy from its environment and the people in the environment. Human thoughts and emotions can transcend time and space so what makes you think a little thing like cardboard and plastic can keep out these energies?

    Here’s a ritual to cleanse a new (or even an old) tarot deck. To perform this ritual you will need:

    • Tarot Deck
    • Blessing Oil
    • King Solomon Wisdom Oil
    • Psychic Vision Oil
    • Candle
    • Blessing Incense
    • Holy Water
    • Salt
    • Clean, White Cloth

    Begin by setting up your ritual space and placing the items before you in a manner pleasing to your eye. When you are ready, light the candle and incense and then anoint your hand with Blessing Oil, King Solomon Wisdom Oil, and Psychic Vision Oil. Open your cards and look through the deck. Examine each card and notice how you react to each image. Take your time moving through the deck. Next shuffle the cards several times and get a handle for how they feel.

    When you are done hold the cards over the Salt and say: “As this salt cleanses and purifies, may these cards be cleansed and purified and serve me to reveal, instruct, and prophesize!”

    Shuffle the cards again and then hold them over the Incense and say: “As this incense moves ever skyward, may these cards always be used for the highest good and represent my purest ideals.”

    Shuffle the cards again and then hold them safely above the Fire Candle and say: “As light dispels darkness, may these cards dispel the shadows of fear and ignorance, revealing only the highest truth.”

    Shuffle the cards again and then hold them over the Water and say: “As water is fluid, may I always remember that the future is ever changing, and that it is mine to create through the choices that I make.”

    At this point you may or may not wish to perform your first reading with your cards. Finally, wrap the card in a clean, white cloth and put them in a safe place until you are ready to use them again.

    Carolina Dean

    Saturday, December 4, 2010

    How I Conduct a Tarot Reading

    Before the Reading
     
    I start the session by telling the seeker a little about the Tarot, what it will and will not tell them. I explain that the Tarot is simply a tool and that it has no power in and of itself. A reading is like a road-map, it provides information so that you can make the best possible choices for yourself. I explain that the future is not fixed or fated and that the power to make positive changes in life is within the power of the individual through the choices that they make.

    Pre-Reading Ritual
    My pre-reading ritual consists of my spreading out a cloth to lay the cards upon. In addition I light a candle and set out a clear glass of water. As I do this, I silently ask for guidance in order to give the individual the best possible reading. I take out my cards and pass them over the water to cleanse them. Then I ask the client to cut the cards and put them back together. This card usually gives me an indication of the persons current mood, outlook, the issue they are dealing with, etc and I use this as the persons signifier (see below).

    Formulating the Question

    I talk to the seeker about asking the right questions and this is often the most difficult part of any reading. I tell the person to avoid asking such questions as Will I ever get married? Will I lose weight? Will I find a soul mate? Will I get pregnant?

    Instead of asking questions such as the above, I usually advise the seeker to restate them like such: My partner seems to lack a sense of commitment, can you tell me if I am making the right choice by being with him/her? I am on a weight loss program, can you tell me if I am making wish choices that will help me reach my goal? I can seem to meet a compatible mate, can you tell me what I am doing wrong? I am trying to get pregnant, do you have any advice for me?

    If the person has never had a Tarot reading before, and are unsure about what they want to talk about, I usually do a general reading and then if they have further questions address them in a separate reading.

    Choosing a Signifier

    A signifier is a card that is meant to represent a person who is either posing the question or who is the subject of the reading. Before reading the cards, remove the card from the deck that represents the individual, or subject of the reading. There are many different methods which have been used to determine a person's signifier, or calling card, the most traditional of which concerns itself with matching the individual's age and temperament to the pip, or face, cards in a tarot deck. For example, adult males are Kings, adult females are Queens, whereas young adults and teenagers are Knights and children are pages. Other methods include:
    • Some readers determine the suit to use for a person's signifier by using the element associated with the person's Sun Sign. Using this methods Wands represent the fire signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius), Cups represent water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces), Swords represent air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) and Pentacles represent earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn).
    • Some readers determine the suit by considering the person's temperament. Wands are driven, over achievers, Cups are emotional and empathetic, Swords are the intellectual types, and Pentacles are earthy and creative.
    • Some readers take into account the individual's coloring. For example, Wands represent blonds, Cups represent dark blond to light brown, Swords represent Red heads, and Pentacles represent dark brown to black hair.
    • One of the simplest method of determining a person's signifier which I know utilizes the Magician for a Man, the High Priestess for a woman, or the Fool for anyone. In other instances, you may wish to take a more literal approach and use the Empress for a pregnant woman, the Emperor for a male authority figure, The Hierophant for a Priest or member of clergy, the Chariot for a race car driver, The Moon for a psychic, the Sun for a person with a "sunny disposition", The Death Card for a mortician, etc... However, keep in mind that you are not limited to the Major Arcana when choosing signifiers. The same creative vision can be applied to the Minor Arcana for this purpose. For example, the Six of Swords can represent a sailor, or ferry worker. The Nine of Pentacles can represent someone with a green thumb and a love for animals. In addition, depending on the deck you have, there may be cards that are not in a traditional deck.

    Shuffling and Cutting

    The cards are to be shuffled in the most comfortable manner either by riffling them or shuffling them hand over hand. If you are reading for yourself, you shuffle your own cards, but if you are reading for another, they are to shuffle the cards. Some readers prefer to have the client hold their signifier while shuffling the cards themselves, however, this is not my personal practice.

    While the cards are being shuffled, the person shuffling them should concentrate on the specific question or issue that they wish to know more about. If while you are shuffling the cards, any cards which fly out of the deck are collected and placed aside face down. After the reading, these cards can be consulted for extra information.

    There is no certain number of times the cards are to be shuffled, just shuffle them until they feel right to you. Once you are done shuffling the cards they are cut into three stacks to the right and then placed back together again to the right, or some prefer to do this at random

    The Reading

    The cards are then collected by the reader and arranged according to a spread. A Spread is a term used to describe the pattern in which Tarot-Cards are laid out after shuffling them and prior to reading them. Usually, but not always, each position in a spread signifies an area of life, a feeling, one's thoughts, or a specific time period such as the  past, present, or future. The meaning of a tarot card is read according  to its position in the spread. The cards are read in relation to the position it occupies within the spread. As you read the cards, you attempt to weave the reading into a cohesive story, being specific as you possibly can.
     
    If after all the cards have been read, and the person needs more clarification on the matter that I usually take a card from the bottom of the deck and read it as I would any outcome card.

    After the Reading

    Often after the reading, the person will want to discuss some of the things that you have said during the reading, giving you confirmation on your insights. When given such information it may help you to further guide the individual and set them on the right path. However, if the person does not offer you any feedback, don't pressure them. Often during the reading, the person may not be able to connect what you are telling them with the question asked, but later, after much thought, it may make sense.

    Payment for Readings

    I never charge brother or sister witches for readings, or even close friends or family members. However, when reading for the general public, I advise them to pay me what they feel the reading is worth. The reasons for this is not that I do not have confidence in my abilities, but simply to get around the fortune-telling laws in many states which forbid charging for fortune-telling.

    When I read for a paying client, I normally have a plate on the table for the person to leave their offering as I prefer no to touch the money until they have gone.

    Carolina Dean

    Friday, December 3, 2010

    Dear Santa

    Dear Santa,

    How are you and Mrs. Claus? I hope you're keeping warm up at the North Pole. My name is Dean and I am 37 years old. I have been good all year. I have eaten all my vegetables (even the broccoli), and said my prayers every night. I have kept my room clean and not gotten into any trouble. 

    I have observed all the Esbats and Sabbats. I have helped my fellow man whenever I was able in whatever way I was able. I have donated to the poor despite falling on hard times myself,  I have contributed to the well-being of others, and even helped an old lady cross the street! In addition I have not violated the Wiccan Rede and I have only broken one commandment. I'm sure you know which one, but she had it coming and if you review the situation I am sure that you will agree with me. 

    This year I would like the following things. 
    • A new Husband, although I'd take a used one as long as he isn't too damaged. 
    • A cell-phone upgrade
    • A new car
    • Cherylindrea's Wand 
    • The Mountain Dream Tarot Deck  
    • A Copy of Eve's Bayou (Region 1) 
    • A fully-functional omegahedron
    • Some Runts
    • A Skeleton Key  
    • A Charmed Book of Shadows replica 
    • A pony 
    • An Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle.
    • An Ever-Lasting Gobstopper 
    • Papa Justify's receipt book 
    • An autographed picture of Tom Welling (preferably shirtless)
    • Two Tickets to Paradise
    • A Maltese Falcon
    • A Rambaldi Device
    • Pandora's Box 
    • Some Unobtainium
    • Aunt Morgana's "recipe" book
    • An All-Spark 
    • A Continuum Transfunctioner
    • A Rabbit's Foot 
    • A Genesis Device
    • A Copy of Voodoo Without Sacrificing Chickens
    • An Audio-Vibratory Physio-molecular Transport Device 
    • A Matter-Wand 
    • A Magic Carpet 
    • The One Ring 
    • A Horcrux
    • A Cloak Of Invisibility 
    • A Hex Bag 
    • A Resurrection Stone 
    • A Horn of Plenty 
    • An Orb of Thesulah
    • A Tedarka Talisman
    • A Flux Capacitor 

    I will be leaving out some milk and sugar cookies as usual. Please clean up after yourself when you are done by placing the dirty dishes in the dishwasher; and please bring your own plastic bags for Rudolph's 'leavings'. Also I would like to remind you to please do not come into my bedroom to check on me if you hear screaming and moaning. We don't want a repeat of what happened last year. That guy still want return my phone calls or emails.

    Merry Christmas, 

    Dean 
    XOXO